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A FEW MOMENTS OF SILENCE

the pre-e3 events that took place during the last two weeks have kept me rather busy. thankfully, i didn't have to leave san francisco this week -- i had gone twice the week before and that's enough for awhile. the big show is going to be scary. so much to cover, and so little staff. i hope we can manage.

i've spent the last two days playing syphon filter: the omega strain. you can read my review if you care to hear all my thoughts on the game. to be honest, i'm not sure if i like the review much. it says basically what i wanted to say, but it feels very dry. i tend to write in first-person, though i opted not to this time. it started to cause problems near the end, as i wanted to cite specific experiences that i had had during my play sessions, but oh well... the important thing to know is that the single-player game is frustrating and nigh impossible in certain stages. the multiplayer is excellent, and i actually wished the game was in stores last night so i could actually play with others online.

life has otherwise been fairly normal. i've been trying very hard to attend as many social events as possible over the course of the past two weeks. there are a lot of interesting people in the bay area, and i'm trying to expose myself to as many of them as possible... strangely, they just keep telling me to put my pants back on... hmm. but most of all, i've decided that i deserve a chance to have a lovelife of sorts... so i'm putting myself out there... i'm talking to people. i'm having a good time. and why shouldn't i? i have a lot to offer the right woman. now the search for her -- and maybe a few of the wrong ones along the way -- begins anew. look out, ladies!

as usual, i've taken many photos over the past few weeks, but i am unfortunately unable to post them at this time. i've transfered my life to a newer, sleeker powerbook, and in the transition, i've lost FTP access to the site... but soon, i'll bring you the goods. either that or they'll be lost in the ether forever. anything could happen!

INEPTITUDE

"i tend to judge every social interaction as either a success or a failure."

i realize that i do the same. and to be honest, i've just had too many failures.

i think it's time for me to drop out for a bit.

UPDATE: 24 hours have passed and i've changed my mind. there's nothing wrong with telling the truth. it's all i know how to do. i feel inept, no more.

THE MISSION TO TAIPEI

though i'm not going to have time to appreciate much of it, i do quite enjoy the san francisco film festival. last year, shane and i happened to be in town while it was taking place and took some time to check out oliver stone's comandante, which was enjoyable. this year, i've decided to see as much as i can... but with the pre-e3 nonesense just beginning, it's going to be difficult. but, more on that later.

last night shane, carlos, and i hit the pacific film archive at the berkeley campus for a screening of lee kang-sheng's "the missing". if you've heard his name before, then you likely know of him as the actor from all of tsai ming-liang's films; "the hole", "vive l'amour", and "what time is it there?" are all excellent, as far as i'm concerned.

"the missing" is shot by liao pen-jung, ming-liang's cinematographer, and it's quite obvious. in fact, much of the film's style is directly influenced by the previously mentioned films. and i enjoy and appreciate that fact. lee kang-sheng has had an important role in the creation of all tsai ming-liang's work... it's only natural that his own film would maintain many of the elements of those he has helped create in the past. so you get the long takes, the miminal production, the superb acting, and the clever, filmic realization of space that's present in ming-liang's work. and yes, if you saw this film and nobody told you otherwise, you'd likely think it was tsai ming-liang's. but that doesn't bother me. why? because it was really, really fantanstic.

i won't spoil it -- i'd hope that some of you will one day be able to actually see it -- but the film basically follows two simultaneously occuring tales about people who've lost a loved one. they're not dead... just missing. the two main characters -- a high-school-aged boy and a grandmother -- deal with this pain in different ways. both actor's really step up to their roles and deliver in this regard... with one frantically searching the city and the other leisurely wasting away the day at a lan center playing counter-strike, the viewer is treated to two differently paced, yet complimentary, narratives. and it is because the film presents the video gamer and the lan gaming scene so accurately that this works. anybody who doesn't understand the calming aspect of playing a first-person shooter will hopefully be a bit more informed about the subject afterwards, for example. gaming is not always pretty... but it's something to do. this film gets that.

but what's most stunning about the piece is its ability to virtually transport the viewer to taipei. i've never been there, and yet, i feel as if i could give you a tour of the main locales in that movie. and i really understand the beauty of that city... the way it functions... or i think i do anyway. if you have no desire to actually take a trip over to taiwan, then find a way to see this film and your mind will be changed. the way most films are shot today, it's hard to remember the importance of the long shot... that is, until you see something like this. spaces, not just faces. that's what i'm talking about.

you know what makes me happy: next sunday, tsai ming-liang's new film is being shown at the pfa as part of the festival. so if you plan to be in the bay area at 6:30 next sunday, feel free to join me for the screening of "goodbye, dragon inn" at the berkeley campus. the film is apparently linked somehow to "the missing." i've heard that they even share a few characters. but mainly, it's the way taipei is represented that makes them similar, i hear. and lee kang-sheng stars, as expected... so it should be interesting. come, join me!

also, we saw "kill bill vol. 2 friday evening. i thought it was totally enjoyable, much in the same way the first film was... though they feel very different to me. i'd recommend it, though it seems feelings on this pair are mixed... if nothing else, though, the craftsmanship is there. quentin knows his stuff.

tonight i'm headed to la for the first of this year's off-campus pre-e3 events. the idea is that if we have time to cover the games now, we'll have more time at e3 to appreciate what's there. i suppose we'll have to see if it works out that way or not. the immediate consequence of such events is that i have no time these next two weeks and about ten events to attend. i'm not looking forward to it. though i do get the chance to visit with oli tonight, so that should be enjoyable.

finally, shane is leaving san francisco today... it's been real having you up here, kid. i'll miss you. oh, and those new kicks are super-sweet. say hello to my taco shop for me. oh, and apple updated their hardware as rumored... time to buy a computer and an isight. that goes for all of you out there!

DSL, I LOVE YOU

our apartment, structurally unsound as it may well be, now has a racing dsl connection. one of the empty spots in my heart has been filled with warmth and love. life feels less broken.

is that sad? i assume it sounds that way... what can i say? i yearn for a state of constant connectedness.

WOW BETA PHASE 2

it's begun. and kids -- you two sitting at home waiting for me to deliver the file -- i can only say this: pray that my download speed increases or you won't be playing tonight. i apologize for the inconvenience.

UPDATE: 198 kb/s now. shane and carlos, you should be set!
UPDATE 2: 1170 k/bs. 27 minutes to go. no worries.

FRENCH TOAST +

it's a simple dish, right? bread + egg + greasy frying pan. well... it's supposed to be.

my father told us a tale of french toast encrusted with crunched-up frosted flakes... devine and ultra-sweet, he claimed. yesterday evening, we took that idea and ran with it. our creation: french toast +. or, nerd-fattening bread. or demon bricks. any of these labels would be entirely too suitable.

put simply, it's pound cake dunked into eggs; that's standard f.t. procedure. the mucousy sponge is then dropped onto a plate of special k crumbs which gives the final product an extra crispy crunch. you can take that and start pan frying it. (don't skimp on oil and butter.) once the cereal has properly adhered to the cake, remove it from the flame and dunk it in the egg mix one more time... this will give you much better egg coverage and a fluffier texture. then it's back into the pan again until properly browned. and voila!

we completed the meal with breakfast potatos (yea for ranchero cheese!) and scrambled eggs... have you ever heard of a more proper 11 pm meal? and the results were... overwhelming. i can't recommend this recipe to everyone. it may kill you. but if you're itching for something sweet... like stupidly, groin-grabbingly sweet... then be my guest. but you've been warned.



it's a wonder we stay in the shape that we do...

NOTHING IS CHANGING

as i was adding new music to the pod, i found myself scouring old cds, hoping to find something long forgotten, yet compelling to listen to.

sleeper's "pleased to meet you" is such a disc... long forgotten, but well remembered. "nothing is changing" -- track 11 -- is unforgettable. seriously, find it on soulseek, limewire, or kazaa... i hope you enjoy it as much as i do.

and mental note: practice playing soul calibur II. you never know when an impromtu session will begin. robert, rematches... soon.

I'M SOLD.

my first weekend in san francisco was a busy one, indeed. but it has served to prove the merits of this wonderful city & verify just how nice it is to have friends here. i've visited with more people here in two weeks than i would have seen in a month back in orange county. things, as they say, are sliding effortlessly into place. it's like watching my grandmother play tetris.

APPLES ARE ADDICTING

on friday, carlos asked if i wanted to go to the apple store; he had decided to get an isight in order to video chat with family back in oc... and with me. which meant i needed one too. and my ipod bit the dust... completely. so, i decided it was time to replace my old five gig with a shiny, new 20 gig. to be honest, i wanted to save the cash and grab the 15 gig... but i also wanted the dock, the case, and the headphone remote. so, in a matter of minutes, i dropped way too much cash on apple products. my ipod died after a year (it had replaced my first ipod; it also stopped functioning after a year.) and i bought another. talk about brand loyalty. it's hard to live without an ipod after it becomes integrated into one's lifestyle. pretty annoying and gross, but c'est la vie. a consumer, i am.

so i spent much time this weekend filling my new device with music... some old, some new, and much of it stolen from shane. he's got a taste for music you and i have never heard of... i've decided to make it my duty to study and devour what i've stolen as quickly as possible. i hate it when it feels like i'm listening to the same thing over and over again.

the isights seem to be handy as well. as you can tell from the pictures below, the image quality is incredible for a webcam. we found that the mounts that apple provide don't seem to be built to attach the device to any of their recent laptops which all have rounded edges. it works perfectly with my computer, on the other hand.

TRY THE WINE...

with all the wow being played in our apartment, we felt compelled to finally pull the cork from carlos's cherished bottle of warcraft III wine. it has aged gracefully on countertops and in cupboards since the release of blizzard's fps. it has survived the launch of the frozen throne, a move or two, and several late nights when a bottle of wine would've REALLY hit the spot. but now, it is gone. consumed by we who cherished it. and josh, this one's for you buddy.
[if you'd like to enjoy some wine, simply open the two images below and imagine your touching glasses with shane and carlos. all the celebration and none of the hangover. yippee! hic.]

INDIAN FOOD IN SF

i'm sure there's tons of ridiculously excellent indian food in san francisco, but i'd still like to take a moment to plug "lashore karahi." ricky, ivy, carlos, shane and i visited this place recently and i can attest to the quality of their food & service. it's also rather inexpensive. the five of us absolutely stuffed ourselves with excellence for around forty dollars. and the owner/chef zulfiqar haider (he goes by "guddu") was truly memorable. he hooked ivy up with some extra rice pudding as we were walking out simply because she guessed the secret ingredient. maybe you'll be able to do the same.

Lashore Karahi
612 O'Farrell Street
San Francisco, CA 94109
415.567.8603

DEALING WITH BERKELEY

on saturday, i took the boys out to berkeley with the intention of checking out a dealership show on campus. as we were driving into town, carlos mentioned that he hadn't been before. "berkeley's alright..." i said as we made our way up university.

once on campus, i caught up with jane briefly before she and the chrises played. the show -- my first live dealership experience -- was rather good, though i can't help but wish i'd seen them in a club setting first. regardless, they played well. the first few tracks were new, and therefore unknown to me. the focus, in these songs, seemed to be on the keys rather than on guitars...which is fine as i do like things that go bleep and pling. jane even noted that one song was about a virtual boy. how goddamn cool is that. i've also been told that many of the tracks on the new record "action/adventure" have game-related themes. neato, i say.

after the new, dealership played a few old favorites: toujours ta fille, green, for sale, & tv heart. carlos especially enjoy "ttf." shane commented that in some ways the band is pixies-like, which is no doubt a compliment. i -- the only one of us really, really familiar with band -- enjoyed it all and told jane as much after the show. i look forward to seeing more of her in the future.

afterwards, we wandered around the city. pizza was acquired at fat slice. then we made the usual and required visits to amoeba and rasputin's. shane and i were lucky enough to get ahold of copies of max tundra's "mastered by guy at the exchange." it's a crazy little record that slipped by us for years. now we know about it, and hopefully you'll take the hint and search it out. you'll be impressed. check out the lyrics! (click on the "i'm feeling flirty" link below the image of the album artwork.)

"berkeley's alright..." a bit of an understatement. it took me a few hours to remember why i love that town. but i won't soon forget again. the school, the people, the food, the shopping. it's all so fulfilling. if i didn't have the direct urge to experience city life, i'd probably be down for a transfer. in the future, maybe. if i'm lucky.

i could go on, but i'll spare you the time. for now, just take a look at a few pictures. yeah, that's dealership rocking in the background of those last two... check out the guy in front of the stage... if he looks like he's about to blast off, that's because he did. it was intense.



maybe next time i'll venture closer to the stage. mental note. less bunny, more lion.

THE ACT OF BUILDING WITH ONE'S OWN HANDS

last night, carlos, shane, and i met up with ricky def, (formerly just ricky) ivy, and our new friend betty for a visit to the san francisco art institute where several students were showing video & sound work... additionally, there were a few interesting performance pieces.

i was impressed by the quality of the pieces... all of them. it was interesting to get an art degree from a school that's not known for its art program. i enjoyed the experience and learned some important stuff that has helped get me to where i am today. but at the same time, i hardly felt any competitiveness while i was there. i know, i know... learning isn't a contest. but i alway strive to make my work better if somebody else is working in the same space, doing similar things, etc. i think it's natural. your work will improve if you surround yourself with people who are better than you...

nearly every piece last night was created, at least in part, using max and msp. Some of the programming was insane. of course, knowing alex has given me some familiarity with the software and the audio it can produce. but the image processing capabilities seem every bit as gratifying and intense as what can be done with sound in the app. i don't have the program in front of me, so i won't be able to name specific pieces and artists... which is unfortunate. but there were a few video pieces -- one in particular -- that were staggering. being a guy who works in video, i hate seeing things that are so alien that i can't even understand how they were created. but that's what happened last night. so now, i realize, i have to learn how to program in max.

though what i really enjoyed last night were the pieces of hardware people had created to use as controllers for their digital pieces. one woman, for example, had crafted a glove and a set of arm bands that allowed her to manipulate sound just by moving her hands through the air. the resulting piece was aurally pleasing, and her performance intriguing, as she had to move her body in very interesting ways to produce the desired sounds. but what was really cool was that the glove -- a sheer, possibly nylon glove -- had all sorts of ridiculous wires and metal attached to it. it was oh-so ts. another gentleman had a beatiful little pink and white box that he strapped on like a guitar. attached to it, was a giant rod connected with a cable. he placed one end of the stick on the ground and then rotated and undulated the stick with his hand from the top while tweaking knobs and pressing buttons on the aforementioned box. shane and i were enthralled as he had clearly invented a way to rock out -- guitar-solo-style -- while producing wicked, max-crafted, electronic anarchy. if i had one of those things, it would be hard for me to contain myself. i would jam ev. re. where.

building stuff is cool. i wish i had a better understanding of electronics so i could build some neat stuff for myself. maybe, instead, i'll just learn to program in max and befriend some of these talented art students... these guys are doing some really interesting stuff. if i wanted more formal education, that's definitely one school i'd consider.

finally, muchas gracias to betty for the impromptu dj set in our apartment last night. i only hope our neighbors enjoyed it as much as we did ;)

ps - the taco shop has been located. it's name? tacos mexicali. strangely appropriate, no? more later, and photos.

MY LIFE -- OFFLINE

since this silly little website hit the internet a few months ago, my life has gone through some dramatic changes... not many of which were unforeseen. and since day one, my bio has noted that my current location is san francisco. now, finally... that is actually the case. over the past week, carlos, matt, christian, ray, and i have been surviving the often arduous process of relocating our lives. during this period, i have found myself feeling tremendous physical and/or mental stress at times, great joy at others... but mostly i just feel lost.

our new apartment is not currently, umm... connected. no phone. no cable. and most importantly, no net connection. this has kept me off of the web and away from the site, which is why you haven't seen regular updates here. i've been getting into work very early, and i thought i'd take a brief moment to bring you up to speed, and let you know, what is going on with me.

immediately after returning from gdc, the packing began... followed by the loading... and the driving... then the unloading... and climbing. this group of elliptical sentence fragments has compressed three days of my life into 20 words, as that's all i'd like to remember. it was painful, anger-inducing, and now it's thankfully over. my only advice: don't try to move yourself to a new place if that place has three flights of stairs leading to your final destination. seriously, just pay some other chump to do it... your body will thank you.

our apartment is nearing order, though it's far from being ready to be publicly unveiled. it's huge and will thus be quite suitable for nerdy gatherings, cocktail parties, and taco tuesdays as soon as we finish filling it with stuff. raymond's stuff, for example, is still incoming. and that boy, well... he's got piles of stuff. the amount of stuff currently stuffing the place is rather staggering, especially considering how much free space is still available. it merely reiterates the vastness of the apartment, and is a reminder that more stuff will be necessary to stuff the whole thing full of stuff... and stuff. right.

carlos and i have been keeping busy, though. his current employment status has freed up enough time to really explore the world of warcraft, which is lovely. i know what you're thinking. "how the hell does one play world of warcraft -- an mmorpg -- without a line harmoniously connecting pc to world wide web?" it's simple, really... wireless computing often offers sophisticated users access to less sophisticated users networks. one of neighbors, god bless them, has an open wireless network that requires no password to access. i could go into a bit more detail but all that matters is that carlos's laptop is capable of connecting to this network... allowing him to steal a net connection. my computer can't seem to benefit from our neighbor's friendliness or naivety. it tries oh so hard to function, but in the end it appears that antennas on more recent apple laptops are stronger than they were in the past... i'm reminded of futurama. "you call that an antenna?" indeed.

the funny thing is that in order for carlos to play wow, he's passing the signal from his laptop, to a hub, and through a wired connection to his pc. this works thanks to the power of apple's osx internet sharing, which seems to be working rather flawlessly at this point... ok fine, we've seen a disconnect here and there, but on the whole, this strange system that allows him to play an mmo in a house that our future isp can't even find on the map is pretty exciting. and oh so very nerdy.

we've also taken the time to get back into a semi-regular cooking routine. our efforts thus far have resulted in some fine meals, i must say. we hacked together chicken burritos the first night, using one of those pre-cooked, grocery store chickens and various other ingredients as our appliances were not yet functioning. since then, we've also made some excellent curry -- japanese-style with chicken, carrots, potatos, and onions -- and chorizo, egg, and potato burritos. this dish, which i will label as our current crowning achievement, was quite good. the pictures should give you some idea of what was crafted. i was rather blasphemous. "these are better than taco mesa's, dude." carlos agreed...

the mexican food in our district, the mission, has been quite fantastic overall. i mean, really, it's not san diego... but i'm beginning to realize that i must simply forget the wonders of the sd taco scene... it won't be replicated. instead, i'll just enjoy what we've got... a mass of taco shops, many of them open very late, within walking distance of the apartment. san francisco also has 24-hour pizza delivery... amazing.

last friday, jennie invited carlos and i to a dinner party at the bocce cafe in north beach. it took us forty-five minutes to make it the 4.8 miles between our place and the restaurant... we were late, to say the least. but once we arrived good times were had. i got to speak a bit with johnny liu about his ultimate game room feature which ran in the most recent issues of cgw and egm. i also met ign's mj, who gave me the rundown on sf's public transportation system... and more importantly, how to use it to get to our office building. that's a difficult matter, i'm afraid. it was great, of course, to see sandra, c-bake, and shane b. and as usual, jennie and rannie reminded me just how friendly people can be... you two floor me, everytime.

we drove back to orange county last weekend for raymond's final irvine-flavored bbq. though the attendance wasn't what i was expecting, i did have an excellent time. it was great to see my gamespy friends who won't be heading up to sf. bryn, kevin, jason, steve, and phu... you guys are seriously, seriously missed. really, bryn, get up here... asap. seriously. come on. i also invited all my socal friends over, as well. oli, shane, alex, chris, song, and liz... thanks for joining it was sooo awesome to see you guys and i've been bummed since the party because of just how much i'm going to miss all of you... i know i haven't been around much, but... yeah, it feels different now. and robert even made it out... running into him was quite fortunate... and having a new friend to hang with in the bay area is welcome. it's like high school all over again.

and now, i'm at work. in my new office. at my new desk. everything is much more corporate than before. but i'm surviving... mostly because my equipment is fantastic. also, ben's here. it's great to see him regularly again. matt too... we've been carpooling. it's nice. and our building seems to be owned by an evil genius... maybe the top floor is like a robot factory or something.

for some reason our entire e-mail server is down right now, meaning i can't even look at old messages... it's amazing what a roadblock this is... i can't even work. i've taken the time to write, here, and read up on tomato's ps2 release. wordimagesoundplay, as its called, is more an interactive motion graphics piece than a game, it seems... but with underworld providing the music, it could be interesting. if nothing else, it'll be a collector's item. only 5000 copies... i'd advise interested parties to order now.

to conclude this post -- a gallery. not much today... i need to remember to pull out my camera more often.

for now, that is all... until next time, adieu...